Hey All. Post numero dos por yo. See, I wasn’t happy butchering one language here, so I’ve decided to try for “mas”. De nada.
Since my last (and first) contribution here, I discussed 1-18-08 with my palz. It seems they share the sentiment I closed with on that article, but more so. And basically, they convinced myself to follow my own advice. So basically, at some point soon, I will probably distance myself greatly from all the online hype of Cloverfield - not because I am less enthused, or less willing to make an personal investment in this movie. No, I have to step away before I “know too much”. I’ve realized that a movie done in this fashion, with this sort of premise, that seems this well done should not be ruined by knowing too much. Heck, the less I know, the more I will enjoy it.
When does all this become too much? I’m not sure really. I’m probably going to ride that fine line till one thing takes me a little too far. Sorta like when your parents are talking frankly about something, and then one line that is riddled with TMI (too much information) about a personal/sexual/gastrological matter forces you to cover your ears, close your eyes, and attempt to run out of the room (1) before you take in any more sanity devastating info… and (2) without tripping over the coffee table. It’s a tough act, let me tell you.
One thing I can do to extend my tenure as First Assistant Guest Columnist (again with the assistant gag!) is to keep away from articles that are more like lines of investigation, and instead, focus on the unfounded speculation. Don’t get me wrong, I try to do my part to keep the false leads at bay. I am a fairly frequent editor of the wikipedia article on Cloverfield (verifiability, people!!!). So if you’re lookin’ for new nuggets of fact on Cloverfield, you got that, or one of the links on your right hand side… or, of course, most of these other articles. But when you think of Yooka, think of “wild theories”. And when you think of garbage, think of Akeem! (what movie, people?)
For starters, let me tackle the rumor (now totally debunked) that got me the most excited. The Lion rumor. Now, if you’ve been following the speculation since the beginning, you know there was a controversy about whether one of the few audible lines when the trailer (as in film preview, not as in Britney Spears) moves to the street seems to be “I saw it, It’s alive, It’s huge”. Now personally, as both a screenwriter (recreationally), and as one with an hobbyist’s interest in semantics and psychology, I find this line to be quite useless. I don’t just mean that it’s a bad line. If you are in the situation that this person is in, and you are somewhat level-headed, you would probably not say what is said here. For one, the words “I’m alive” were kind of confirmed by the roaring. Unless something happened where they assumed the cause of the roaring and the explosion was subsequently attacked big time (to bring into question the life status of the thing), then “It’s alive” holds no meaning.
I know what some of you are thinking. “Well, maybe he meant to confirm that it’s not a big tank, or robot? Maybe he meant ‘The threat is organic’ ?”. Well then, that’s a terrible choice of words for this case. Maybe he’s just not the brightest bulb on the tree, but if he saw what it was, and had new information, he probably would want to say something add to everyone’s knowledge of what it is (besides proclaiming it ‘huuuuge’), not just confirm what he, and most everyone else already assumed from what little they (and we) already know - that a big, earth shaking, roaring threat isn’t a missle, or a terrorist plot, or a meteor shower, or an earthquake, or a publicity stunt for NBC’s new fall lineup.
Like I said, other than the ‘huuuuge’ part, It’s a waste of breath. That’s why I was hoping it was lion. A big freakin lion looking monster. Well, that’s not really the reason I hoped it was a lion.
About the same time as I was making this observation, The Ethan Haas websites were also assumed by most to be linked to Cloverfield. This has also been debunked since then, but it intrigued me that one of the quotes you received from viewing the source code was that Apocalyptic reference that I believe someone somewhere attributed (or speculated) to paraphrasing a section of the Book of Revelations. Not everyone knows this, but in that Book, some pretty wild stuff happens. It’s pretty much the most controversial ‘official’ bible book. One interpretation I read years ago (admittedly from a more fanatical, over-the-top branch of Christianity, I wish I could remember which) was that the beasts (not to be confused with the Horsemen) were harbingers of the destruction of mankind. And after they come into the mix, special beings would be created specifically empowered by God to give mankind a fighting chance against a great evil. To summarize, they said the end would come by (1) Trumpets, (2) Beasts (the first of which was a lion) (3) Horsemen (4) Jesus. Man, I should teach Sunday School, all those kids would be out in time for football. Anyway, I think you see where I’m going with this.
I had high hopes that what would start out as just a monster movie would end up with deeply apocalyptical themes, and just a hint of a biblical interpretation/explanation. I mean come on - The Passion meets Godzilla?! Can you get more harsh than that?!?!!!1!!!!eleventy. In fact, I still think what the guy says sounds more like “A Lion” than “Alive”, and I’ve listened to the high quality trailer passed through an audio analysis program. Alas, the Ethan Haas sites are for a dice-and-paper role-playing game (and one, I’ll be taking a look at, BTW, as I love that stuff. Any White-Wolf fans out there?), and my hopes are crushed.
Anyway, that wraps up one of the few wild and improbable interpretations of what little we have on Cloverfield that I actually liked. In the future, I’ll be tackling more theories. Until then, happy net hunting!
